I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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