yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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