Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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