You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
