This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize