I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Alive.
So much puke
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
