He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
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