Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
