Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
