Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I believe in your delicious
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize