about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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