i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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