the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
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Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
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My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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