I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
