omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
