if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
