I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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