my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
