remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
