she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
