He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize