Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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