Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
