just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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