is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
