Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize