Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
