Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize