Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
