It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
