He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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