in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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