I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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