he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
