I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
