none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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