I heard we made out
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize