I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
