it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
