Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
