You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
