We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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