Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
