You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
