Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
