No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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