Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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