He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
