does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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