She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
