If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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