I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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