I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
