i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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