just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
