Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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