My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
