You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
