I am in a vortex of obligation.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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