What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
