careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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